Today, you are turning one. It's not exactly a real birthday, I know. It's an estimation. I wish I had more to give you on this day every year, something better than a "guess", something more to tell you about the first half of your little life. But for the past 6 months, I have known what I would say to you today.
I want to tell you about the second half of your life so far, and about what you mean to your father and I. I want to tell you your story, the part where you became our Miriam.
When I was a little girl, I knew you were my daughter. When I was very small, I told your Grandma Diane that I knew I was going to adopt a little girl. I dreamed of you, named you, and wondered about you.
About the time that you were born, I surrendered to Jesus Christ, and I was adopted into His Family. Sweet Miriam, right around this time, God very clearly led your father and I directly to you.
God moved mountains to make sure that you joined our family. He had this whole world scurrying and turned upside-down to make sure that your file was delivered to this family. And when we saw your face, we knew what all the hurrying had been about. We knew you were ours.
But there was a loss.
I knew that this "tragically beautiful" plan that brought you to us meant that you had to experience the biggest loss a little girl could ever encounter in her life, and I grieved for you. I still do. I will spend the rest of my life making sure that you know that you can never be lost again in the arms of our Father.
Because He had you the whole time.
He knit you together. He numbered your days, and in many ways He extended them. He counted your hairs.
You are SO lovable, Miriam.
Your smile is electric. Your laugh is mesmerizing. You are regal, beautiful, and enchanting.
You are literally a work of art.
You are our treasure.
When I met you, my heart knew you. You were familiar to me. My love for you had been growing for you as long as I can remember, and my first thought when I saw you was...
"There you are."
And now here we are, separated on this day that is meant to be celebrated with your family, and I can tell you one thing: You are not in limbo. You are not between two places. You are here. You are ours. You are our daughter.
I may get to know you more as the years go on, but I could never love you any more than I do today. I have four children now on this earth, and I can tell you that each of them have captured my heart in an entirely different way during the first few moments or weeks together.
Even though you and your siblings each have a different love story with Mommy, I have loved you and carried your story with me for as long as I can remember. And your Heavenly Father has been guiding and protecting you since the moment you were born, regardless of what day that happens to have been.
You are already here in our hearts.