Monday, October 28, 2013

Aaron's Smile

I love my son Moses' smile.  

Whenever I look at him, he's smiling at me - 
or just staring at me like I am the only other person who exists in the whole wide world.  

This kid loves his Mama.  

It was one of the first things I noticed when I walked into his orphanage and bent over the crib he shared with 3 other babies to pick him up for the first time.  

He was the one who was smiling back at me.  

It was one of the first smiles I had seen from him, because in most of the pictures that had been sent to us, he appeared to be confused or startled.

It's the same with Aaron.
In a file filled with pictures, he is not smiling in any of them.
However, his expressions look so familiar to me,
and I know exactly why.  

I have seen these expressions before, 
and having Moses and Miriam home for almost two years now, 
I know what they mean.

I know what emptiness and defeat looks like in the eyes of my children.  

It looks like this.

And like this. 


After we said yes to Aaron, one of the first things we did was order another cake, since Haven's party seemed to have been quite successful in capturing laughter and smiles.  

Aaron will be home before his 3rd birthday in May, so this was not a Birthday Cake.  This cake was sent with a photo album of our family and was intended to celebrate the news of his adoption. 

It was sent to make him smile, and we really tried our hardest not to get our hopes up.  

Because honestly, he could spend the rest of his life pouting and I would love him exactly as much as I do now - which is already unexplainable.  

You see, 
he already hangs my moon.  

Just like Moses did before he came home.  

Nothing has changed between Moses and I in these two years; 
my love for him has been continuous.  

My love for these boys is a God-given kind of love and a true blessing, because it has been complete and full from the moment I opened their files and has remained that way, despite the fact that raising  boys from cradles of hurt is not an easy task.


All that being said, I was praying for evidence of hope in Aaron's eyes; 
a sign that there will be laughter in the days ahead...
a sign that we were not too late.  

And once again,
Hope was granted. 

And my heart just melts.

Because our boy knows we are coming for him. 

But I can't imagine waiting one more month 
to hold this beautiful son, let alone 5.  

And yet He is with me in this waiting.  He has proven His faithfulness to me time and time again with the certainty of the His promises, and I trust His plan for my boy.  

We wait in hope of the Lord...  

He is our hope and our shield.

And His love endures forever.

May your unfailing Love be with us, Lord.


Even as we hope in You.

We love you, son.
There will be many more cakes.

Psalm 33

Monday, October 14, 2013

Dear Haven (Happy Birthday)

Dear Haven,

You turned six on August 1st, and although we could not be with you, Mommy had a Birthday cake delivered to your orphanage.  We felt like this was a ridiculous gesture in a country that does make much of birthdays, but your father and I could not let this day pass without notice.  

We were told that you hand-picked your "very best friends" that would be allowed to share in your special party, and that it was beautiful.

We know that this was probably your first birthday party.  While this breaks my heart, I can tell you with certainty that there will be no more missed Birthdays.

Every year when your birthday comes around, I will remember that while God was knitting Lilly together inside of my tummy, He was delivering you into His Perfect Keeping.  He was with you, my dear girl.


While you spent too many years in a crib because of your size, He was there.  And when those visitors held you and made promises to return for you, He protected your heart.  He waited with you.  

One day, I will show you pictures of a little girl with a shaved head waiting for a Mommy with joy in her heart  - I will show you Hope in a place where all hope was lost - and I will tell you Where it came from.

From the beginning, He created you with a plan for His Glory, and you are already a testimony to His grace.    

Everything about you screams perfection to us, and every last inch of you is put together in a way that brings glory to our God, to the One who made you.   

You are so beautiful.

You expose the lies that this world tries to sell about the standards of beauty and worth for what they are; because your beauty is absolutely undeniable, and your worth has already been determined.

Your father and I know that one of our biggest challenges in raising you will be staying out of your way.  We have noticed your determined nature, and we know that you will be fully-equipped for every good work that He has planned for you.

We do not see you as "disabled".  We see you in the light of His Truth and His Word - we see you as Gifted, as Designed, as Purposed. 

But our love will not be Enough.  

There will be times in your life when Mommy won't understand, 
or when Daddy won't be able to "fix it".  

And while we may fail you, Your Father never will.

He is the Hope, the Help, and the Healer.  

He brought you into to this family, 
And you can join His.
I speak of this from experience.  

We love you, Haven.
And we celebrate you.  

You are our gift; 
and your gift has now been multiplied...  

Because you led us
 directly to your brother,

who is now our oldest son.  

And while Aaron's letter is still being written
it begins here - with the Hope that you have shown us.

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above,coming down from the Father of Lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."