Thursday, August 2, 2012

Beauty from Ashes

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I have left the original blog post intact, below the page break, for the sake of those who "need to see evidence" or how corruption presents itself in adoption, or do not believe it occurs.  But this is the truth:

In August of 2012, the day I published this post, myself and several other families gathered together the pieces of our broken hearts and all of the evidence we had against International Adoption Guides and filed a SERIOUS complaint with COA, DOJ, USCIS, the EMBASSY, GA, SC, and NC licensure, and the office of Susan Jacobs.

We were entirely certain, based on our evidence, that IAG would be closed immediately and the staff would be arrested.

Then, we watched in horror as 17 months went by.  



17 months.

(This pic was taken from the IAG website before it came down.  It is, most likely, a mother visiting her children at the IAG orphanage)

17 months of IAG calling us liars, sending us letters from attorneys insinuating they would sue us for our complaints.  17 months of NEW CLIENTS.  17 months of families being referred not 1, not 2, but 3 unrelated babies within weeks of signing up for adoption with IAG.  

17 months of those around us telling us we should stop pestering COA and be "peacemakers" so we didn't "ruin Africa" for others who wish to adopt, while child after child stepped forward and told the same tales of physical abuse in the IAG care centers, or lamented over the families they were taken from.


17 months in which the only office that took any visible action was THE STATE OF SC who promptly removed their licensure after investigating our complaints and finding the agency "office" was actually a fake, empty rented space, and adoptions were being facilitated poolside at Jim Harding's home.

The STATE OF NC licensure office told me they "would not discipline Mary Mooney no matter what evidence I brought them" and that I should be happy with my babies. They denied my complaint, officially and unofficially, over 6 times, and it was in this state that Mary Mooney was licensed.

17 months in which I received a letter from COA saying they had to close their investigation, would not reveal the violations they found, and there was nothing they could do.

17 months in which local friends continued to use and recommend Mary Mooney for services, despite my warning.

And then, 
Mary and Jim were suddenly arrested.



Because behind the scenes, DOJ had been working.  We knew they were, but we had all wondered if anything would come of it.  

As I read the indictment, something inside of me snapped.

Charges included:
BUYING BABIES (and listed the quarterly rate paid) 
fake orphanages
laundering/funneling children
harvesting children who had families from a deaf school
money laundering
falsifying documents
bribery
the list goes on and on.

How can SOLID evidence of this be handed to EVERY concerned office in the United States in August of 2012 and the doors of this agency not be slammed shut WHILE they investigated?  Worse yet, evidence from PEAR and other adoptive families reveal that these concerns were brought to COA years ago. 

If a FAMILY were accused of the things this agency did, that family would have lost their children to CPS with no questions asked while the investigation was conducted.  And yet, IAG was allowed to continue to facilitate adoptions.  For 17 months.

At what EXACT DATE did the government come to understand that children in Ethiopia were being ripped from their families and sold in the United States?  

 I hold every single office listed, specifically Susan Jacobs' office (and excluding DOJ and SC) personally responsible for every. single. child. taken from their mama's arms after THAT DATE.


I am ashamed of the system we have in place 
to protect children and families from adoption scams.  

I am horrified by COA and the state of NC, among others.

I am ashamed that our culture of adoption has produced this level of depravity, because we REFUSE to see corruption even when we are STARING IT IN THE FACE, because all we see is OUR CHILD and how quickly we can get them home.

GOD IS NOT A RESPECTER OF PERSONS. Acts 10:34-35

He does not prefer a Christian family, or an affluent family over a poor one.  He does not prefer powerful people over weak ones.  In fact, He abhors this sort of favortism. He is the DEFENDER of the weak.

17 For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great, the mighty, and the awesome God, who is not partial and takes no bribe. 18 He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing.  Deut 10:17-18



The consequences of SIN are in place.

We need to start acting like it.

We are triage, not an upgrade.
We are servants, not saviors.

 The REDEMPTION of a child ETHICALLY placed into our homes via adoption is undeniably sheer beauty - the kind that only God can author - but we must not forget - 

THIS WAS NOT HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE.

Can we see God's design for us, as Christians, as we respond to our neighbors in need after the fall (Matt 5-7)?  The one where we gather around and help those in need instead of harvesting their children?


The plan where we help them FEED their babies instead of BUYING THEM?

The plan where we empty foster systems because we are CONCERNED with family reunification?  Where we STORM THE GATES of the abortion mills to minister to the mamas walking in, because they are OUR NEIGHBOR?  Where we spend more time researching agencies because we are MOTIVATED by the ethics of adoption, not annoyed by them?

I can see it, after everything else that I have been forced to see.  
And so can God.
  
And we are breaking His heart and storing up wrath.

We have lost our way.  Adoption is FIRST about reconciliation and reunification, both in the Biblical model where we are REUNITED to our Creator and in the physical act of it here on earth.

Adoption is good.  
It is righteous, it is pure, and it is an appropriate spiritual and physical response to a child who has no family willing to care for him.  
Families are ALSO good.
We must protect adoption BECAUSE IT IS GOOD.
We must protect families BECAUSE THEY ARE ALSO GOOD.

We need to start asking ourselves, our agencies, and everyone around us the TOUGH questions about adoption.  I am less concerned with offending an agency than I am our Holy God.

Because God is CONCERNED with the those who mistreat the orphan and the widow, and we must stop funding those who are doing so.

LET US BE THE KIND OF PEOPLE
who put the kind of people
who hurt children (Job 24:9)
OUT OF BUSINESS.

Exodus 22:22
22 You shall not mistreat any widow or fatherless child. 23 If you do mistreat them, and they cry out to me, I will surely hear their cry,24 and my wrath will burn.

*****EDITS*****


EDIT 1) 2/11/14 FROM http://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/2014/February/14-crm-149.html

If you believe you have been a victim of this crime involving the named individuals or International Adoption Guides, please call 1-800-837-2655 and leave your contact information.   If you have questions or concerns about adoptions from Ethiopia in general, please contact the Office of Children’s Issues at the Department of State through the email address AskCI@state.gov .  If you have specific questions about an adoption from Ethiopia that IAG facilitated, you should contact the Office of Children’s Issues at the Department of State through the email address IAGadoptioncases@state.gov .

EDIT 2) 2/20/14
In light of recent events and new information, we will be RE-investigating our children's origins.

To read the IAG INDICTMENT, please go to https://www.scd.uscourts.gov/CMECF/pacer.asp#index and follow the instructions to register and request the case.  There is a fee:  32 pages @ 10 cents a page.
I advise all IAG families to read this document as it highlights the extreme nature of the level of fraud that was occurring..

******ORIGINAL POST UNEDITED******
(I wish, with all my heart, that the end of this post had been the end of the story.)

Many of you know that my children were not related until the day we went to court for them, and that they were abandoned children with no traceable parents to speak of.  We knew this, too.


But then, God placed something in our hearts 
that told us there was more.



In December of last year, I began to have serious doubts about the origins of my children, primarily because of the refusal of my agency to provide documents that are standard for a transparent adoption, and secondarily because of their reaction when I insisted in receiving these documents.

Red flags went flying in the air, and quite suddenly, my world was turned upside-down in doubt.  My concerns about the inconsistencies or omissions in my paperwork were deflected and ultimately ignored, and I was left for months to wonder why.

I prayed.  I lost sleep.  I begged the Lord to change the hearts of my agency and simply provide my paperwork so that I could move on.



But that was not the path He chose in revealing His truth for our children.

On my court trip, I tried as best as I could to learn more about my children's stories.  The information I was told I would receive, once again, was not provided as promised.  So I stood in the courtroom before the beautiful Ethiopian judge, with no additional info, and agreed before the Lord and the Ethiopian court to be their mother, with questions hung heavy around my neck.

When I met the judge, I stood by myself in front of her desk in a small room.  The judge asked a few standard questions while looking at my paperwork, and I tried to remain calm.  Then she looked me square in the eye and asked some version of this question, with a marked intensity:

"Will you and your husband provide for these children in the same manner that you provide for your biological children, and treat them equally in love and inheritance?"



Our answer was yes.

"They are yours."

I was led sobbing from the courtroom; the new mother of 4.

Then, I went home, without the children, 
to wait to petition the US Embassy to bring them home.



It became clear that my first act as their mother 
was to fight for them; to "defend the cause".

Many of you do not know that the referral of two unrelated infants is widely considered to be unethical.  
I also did not know this.  
Many of you do not know that the wait time in Ethiopia is extremely long for healthy infants, or that we did NOT specifically request healthy infants.  We requested 2 children up to the age of 7, preferably related, and said yes to certain special needs.

And yet, a few days after mailing in our dossier, and less than 6 weeks after deciding to adopt, we received the referral for two healthy (although hungry) unrelated infants.



Our Moses.  Our Mimi.  Ours from the moment we saw them.

Many of you do not know that while everyone was joyfully watching my "Meeting the Babies Video" after I returned home from court, Paul and I were gearing up for the fight of our lives.  We tried once more to obtain truth and answers regarding our children's origins, and were once again deflected.

Paul and I made the decision to go for the truth, at all costs, for several reasons.  First, there is nothing to fear in God's truth.  Not one thing.  Second, one day our infants were going to grow up and turn to us for answers about where they came from.

"I'm really not sure, " was no longer an acceptable answer for our son, Moses, or for our daughter, Miriam.

We hired a third-party to trace our children's stories.  The initial phone call on Skype, to the man my children would later call Uncle Bitsay, is one I will never forget.

EDIT:  In regards to recent rumors regarding Bitsay now working for IAG and investigating abandonment cases for them, Bitsay would like any interested families to know that IAG's offer was denied and he does not in any way work for IAG nor accept funds from them for any work he does.  Bitsay maintains that he is a true INDEPENDENT THIRD PARTY orphan verification agent.



With tears streaming down my face, I told him that I wanted him to find out the truth for my children, and that I could not bring them home until I knew they were truly available for adoption.  He went to work immediately.  

We prayed for protection for Bitsay.  Another family within our agency had hired a 3rd-party to verify orphan status, and that man was jailed.  When confronted with this article about the jailing, an agency staff member acknowledged (in an email) that the investigator named in this article was working for an IAG family when he was jailed, but claimed that the agency itself was not involved in his arrest.

For this and many other reasons, I then made a similar call to a leading international adoption attorney, and told her that we were no longer comfortable petitioning for our children to the US Embassy with the information we currently had from the agency.  Given the fact that we were already the legal parents in the eyes of the Ethiopian government, we had put ourselves in quite the predicament by going through court with unsatisfied questions, but we had no idea of our rights at the time.



To say that our agency was not supportive of our search for the truth would be a massive understatement.  There was a defining moment in our adoption where we were clinging to the hope that the blind trust that was required to work with our agency was deserved.

We clung to that hope until the moment that our adoption coordinator and program director cut all communication with us, and we received an email from the director that said Paul and I were "too stupid for this process" and that they were "truly done" with us.  It was at that moment that everything changed, and we hired the attorney to help us complete our adoption.

There was a lot of isolation that occurred at this point in our journey.  Our agency went on record as stating that our investigation was endangering "thousands of lives"and the future of Ethiopian adoptions, as well as hurting birth families, and this opinion spread among the client list.  The US Embassy and adoption professionals worldwide assured me that this was not true, so we pressed on.




To say that everyone in the adoption community supported our decision would be incorrect as well.  We lost friends, especially within our agency client list.  People told us that any action that had the potential to uncover fraud in the adoption world should be avoided for the "greater good" of future orphans.  I understand why, because I was once in their shoes.  But I learned that the truth is never to be feared or withheld, given the promises of the Lord.

People asked us what we would do if we uncovered trafficking, a birth mother, or worse.  People told us that if the Lord wanted these things revealed, He could do it Himself, which is true, but discounts the call of the Lord that compels Christians to take action in some matters, when they feel called.  

I want everyone to understand that we were called to seek this truth just as strongly as we were to begin this process to begin with, and we now understand why.  We trusted His purposes in placing that call in our hearts.




Then we waited for the results of the orphan verification and the decision of the embassy to reveal the truth for our family.  

For 3 weeks, I petitioned the Lord for my children.

I sat in the early morning hours, asking God to allow me to be chosen, once again, to be their mother.

Then, I begged Him to show us His full truth, at all costs, even if that meant I was not to be chosen to be their mother.

It was around this time that the Lord led me to Joseph.

Joseph was the victim of human trafficking, sold by his brothers.  He was then used by the Lord to salvage the bloodline of Jesus Christ by saving his own brother, Judah, from a devastating famine.

The Lord is the Poet of Justice.

I began to have a peace about what was ahead.  I began to understand that even if one of the children were found to have a birthmother who loved them, that child would also have another mother who loved them, and that mother was me.  A child who had no one would now have an abundance.

And I knew that the Lord would take care of the rest.



When that judge asked me if I would do for each child what I would do for my own, I gave an oath before the Lord.  He allowed me to get to that point, so from that moment on, until the day that I died, those children would be of my blood and my body.

If they were denied the truth in their path to my arms, this mother would fight to gain it for them.

So this mother and this father got on a plane and flew 20 hours to Ethiopia.  This mother and this father stormed the gates of the care center and carried our children out while our attorney stood firm for us stateside.

This mother and father got on another plane to Dire Dawa, miles from the capital of Ethiopia, then drove another 2 hours to the remote villages outside of Harar.



This mother and father ditched the van and and hiked up the mountains with our son and daughter in our arms, up into the desolate mountains where our son was found.  




This mother and father met the woman who found Moses...the same woman who carried him into safety and then petitioned the other mothers in the impoverished village to breastfeed our son while the village decided how to get him into care in the city.  




This mother and father cried on top of a mountaintop with this woman who rescued our son and gave him the chance to live, only to have her own son die a few weeks later.



This mother and father watched a village Elder hold Moses in the air and declare himself a grandfather.  



This mother and father drove into the city and met the people who plucked our daughter from an alley and gathered around her to care for the tiny, quiet, starving child who was bleeding from both ears, believed to be deaf, and would very shortly be known as Miriam.




This mother and father stood unrepresented at the US Embassy window in Ethiopia, by choice, confident in the truth we found for ourselves, and petitioned for our children.

We praise the Lord that our investigation, though it told a different story than we were able to gather from our paperwork, still reflected true orphan status for our children.  We praise the Lord that we were able to meet the REAL finder of our daughter, a young boy who had been left out of the few documents we were given; a young boy who is now our daughter's "family".



And I petition the Lord daily on behalf of my friends; on behalf of the mothers and fathers whose 3rd party orphan verifications revealed questions that may never be answered, or truths that are hard to live with.  I pray for the Peace that passes understanding for each of them and for their children, and I know He will provide that Peace to those who petition Him for it.



We praise the Lord that we noticed the omissions, errors, and holes in our paperwork, and that the agency reacted the way it did and was unable to satisfy our concerns.  Otherwise, we would not have the beautiful stories we have been given for our children, the stories of sacrifice and love.  The stories that created lasting connections for Moses and Miriam in Ethiopia.  The stories that gave them "people", people that will welcome them in Ethiopia whenever they choose to go back.  People who call themselves mothers, grandfathers, and uncles to my children, to our great joy.




There was a moment in Haromaya when I stood in the very spot where Miriam was found.  I stood with the boy who found her in the place where someone who loved her walked away from her.  The connection I felt to her family while standing in that spot was God-given.

I have carried that moment with me, and will carry it until the day that I die.  I mourn for that woman, that mother, that relative, whomever it was who hurried away from her after placing her on the ground, full of grief and probably hunger, and knowing that they could be arrested in Ethiopia for abandoning their child, knowing that in walking away, they would hurt for the rest of their lives.

I mourn for that moment in a way that only Biblical Old Testament mourning could explain, in a sackcloth-and-ashes kind of way.  I now understand the tearing of garments in response to mourning.  The mourning I feel for the birth families of my children, in the moment that they left them, and in the moments they spend missing them, is so deep that sometimes I want to reach for my own skin and rip it open, which is the representation of the tearing of garments.  


I mourn deeply because I know what it feels like to love Miriam.



And I know what it feels like to be the mother of Moses.  




I know how I would feel if I was separated from them.  

I would rip myself open with grief.

And the Lord, in His goodness, would stitch me back together.

For the rest of my life, I will dream of standing in that spot, waiting to meet Miriam's family.

I will dream of meeting Moses' mother on that mountain; and I pray that one day, on the New Earth, my dream will come true.




People have told me that we "should have known" many things.  I should have known better than to choose this agency and given greater credit to the repeated negative reviews (agreed), I should have researched their past better (also agreed), I should have known more about adoption ethics (sometimes you can only learn from experience), I should have known better than to take two unrelated infants (we had no idea, but we have no regrets on this), I should have known better than to wait until after court to learn the truth about my children's origins if I had any doubts (agreed), and the most offensive one, that I should have adopted domestically and saved myself this hassle (ridiculous).  Writing this post opens our family up to any number of "I told you so's" and "should-haves", but one thing alone gives us the confidence to do so:

We should/could have done a lot of things differently.  But we have zero regrets.  All of the above led us to create lasting connections for our children, and to learn more about the great needs of Ethiopia, and to a school full of children who delight this mother to tears, and to a country that has stolen our hearts.  



The Lord has stood in the gaps where our should-haves put myself or my family at risk.  The Lord has protected my children, my family, and our story.  The Lord has created beauty from tragedy, once again.  The Lord has used the withholding of truth to reveal the truth.  The Lord has painted the story exactly as He would have it, and it is a masterpiece.




He has painted it perfectly, using His brush of joy to cover over the stains of pain that have been splattered across this family.



Should the Lord call us to adopt again, the should-have I will carry into the next journey is the one of Jeremiah 29:11.  The promise of goodness should always remain unmovable in my heart, no matter the circumstance.


To me, that promise of goodness (along with the call of James 1:27) means that becoming "anti-adoption" after a flawed process is NOT the answer.  We would adopt again, but we would place more importance on agency reputation, agency orphan verification practices, and transparency, and we would demand these things upfront before entering into a contract.  (Because I now believe that the very first day that you begin "defending the fatherless" in the adoption process is the day you make your agency choice.)  And after that, we would hand it to God, because

When the Lord adopted us, He certainly did not ask for perfection in the process, which is a relief, since we are unable to give that to Him.  Any of the trials that come with the flawed, human system of adoption in our society are representative of the very trials Christ encountered on His mission to rescue and sanctify us.




Our own salvation came with a heavy sacrifice, and we cannot expect to do something so heavily representative of that cross sacrifice without encountering spiritual warfare.  

But we can, with all certainty, enter into the difficulties of adoption, because we know that adoption is representative of God's own heart for us, and He has got it covered.

This is our story and our truth.

And we know based on the truth of the Bible and its promises that it is, without question, perfect...

We would walk up that mountain a thousand times for you, Moses.




We would fly around the world to claim you over and over again, Mimi.



We do it in His name, and you are His perfect gift to this family.

We love you.  This mother and this father...we love you.  

And so does your Uncle Bitsay, your "mother" Shartu, your "other mother" Yeshi, your "brothers" Abdurazak and Henok, your Oromian grandfathers, your "Aunts" in Haromaya, your village in the hills, and your "family" in Kebele 01.





You Father above...He loves you.  He loves you enough to choose YOU to represent His love for the rest of us.



My son, my daughter, you are loved and cherished all over this world, and in the Heavens above, and you belong to many.

_______________________________________________________________________________


To my audience of potential and current adoptive parents who would like to educate themselves on the ethics of international adoption, I suggest the following resources to you in your quest for knowledge.  These are things I learned from experience, and all I can do is pass them on.  Please give heavy consideration to repeated negative reviews of an agency.  A positive review does not make a negative review untrue.  Ask if the agency verifies orphan status before making a referral to a client.  Some agencies do not, but there are plenty of good ones who DO.  Support the agencies who are taking the extra steps.  They are the ones who will keep the program open.
And to current APs, please be aware that you have rights and are (supposed to be) protected by the Hague:

EMBASSY:  If your agency has asked you NOT to contact the US Embassy during the submittal and approval process, or is not being forthcoming with all paperwork requested by you or your investigator, please contact the embassy DIRECTLY by emailing ConsAdoptionAddis@state.gov per this email from Scott Riedmann:  "Not only do we strongly encourage parents to communicate with us, they are in fact our customers.   So we send our communications directly to them and will only copy the adoption agency if the parents want us to.  I always become suspicious of an agency that wants to control information and keep parents in the dark.  It suggests they are trying to hide something.  If you tell us which agency, we will reach out to them directly and discuss this issue with them."  

KELLY ENSSLIN:  International adoption attorney, adoption ethics advocate with Both Ends Burning, adoptive mother, and our real-life superhero. Contact Kelly@ktelaw.com

BITSAY:  Our investigator, our friend, our family.  Contact directly at Bitsay21@yahoo.com

THE HAGUE:  Here is the text of the Hague, which explains many of the rights you have as an adoptive parent. If you are choosing an agency, base your questions to agencies around these requirements.  If you are in process, be sure to know what an ethical and transparent adoption looks like:

FOR QUESTIONS:   Regarding the Hague interpretation and how it pertains to your adoption, please contact the state department at:
1-888-407-4747


***RESOURCES FOR ETHICAL ADOPTION & FOSTER CARE:***









***I have purposely NOT listed COA, USCIS, or other .GOV sites.  By the time these entities have proven the corruption, the agency will have been closed, so checking with them is virtually useless as they do not make complaints OR violations public unless verified.  By all means, file with them if you need to, but you can not count on them to report current fraud under investigation.  JCICS is pro-agency, and generally unresponsive to ethical issues, so they have also been left off.



64 comments:

  1. This is such an amazing post. I needed to hear what you wrote for so many reasons, and God knew that. What a gift. And you are so right, the picture God has painted and is painting with the stories of your children is exquisite. I can only imagine how beautiful it will be on the other side of eternity when all is visible and understood.

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  2. I am literally moved to tears by the beautiful way you told this story. God's love is a miracle and it is gloriously reflected in your lives and in your children. I am truly blessed to call you friend.

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  3. You are so brave for seeking their story and sharing your journey with the rest of us. Thank you.

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  4. Thank you for posting this. I appreciate your bravery and the courage it took to walk the road God led you down and the courage to write this post. I firmly believe that God designs each child for a specific parent and he designed both Moses and Mimi for you and your husband. Praise God in His infinite wisdom in doing so, for by your actions He has been glorified. Don't listen to the should of's! They are just lies to hold us back from Chasing after Him!

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  5. You are a beautiful warrior. -- Peg

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  6. What a beautiful story about a beautiful family!

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  7. Thank you for writing your children's story. I admire your courage to follow the Lord's leading, regardless of what other people were telling you to do! Sometimes obedience is terrifying and isolating, but it always leads to blessing!

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  8. Just read your story....what a blessing you and Paul are to all of us out here.....love all those kids(2+2)....God Bless you and thanks so much for sharing and being such a great help to ALL who read this and are a part of the adoption process "in the past"...."in the present"..."in the future". I am so very, very glad that God adopted me and I am His child forever. Love and prayers, Pat

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  9. Amazing and beautiful. You are so good to fight for those babies! Praise God!

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  10. Beautiful!! God's work is beautiful! Thanks for sharing the Lord's work in your children's lives and your family's lives. Thanks for having the courage to fight for truth.
    Deut. 31:6 "Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you."
    --Kristen.

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  11. You are awesome Missy and so is your story! You taught me how to fight for our kiddos and I will always be grateful.
    Teresa

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  12. Thank you so much for writing this. You probably have no idea the countless families you "represent" when you write such truths. We are one such family. No details here....just heartbreak and uncovering of layers.....two years after our adoption. My heart may never be ready to write with such candor but thank you, thank you for your kindness, your honesty and your compassion. Your words give me hope and renewed faith in our Father, the author of adoption and healing.

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  13. This is absolutely what I needed to read tonight. It is beautiful. To look at how God's hand worked through all your trials is so uplifting! We are coming to a crossroads in our life and I know that we can't make it without God's grace and mercy. Thank you for sharing this!

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  14. This is absolutely what I needed to read tonight. It is beautiful. To look at how God's hand worked through all your trials is so uplifting! We are coming to a crossroads in our life and I know that we can't make it without God's grace and mercy. Thank you for sharing this!

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  15. awesome story of obedience, faith, and love! Beautiful children, too!

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  16. My eyes are filled with tears as I finish this post. Bitsay helped my sister and brother inlaw bring their baby boy home as well and took them to the place where their baby boy was "saved." If it wasnt for him and the wonderful people in the village my sweet nephew may have had a very different outcome. I am thankful to have read your story and may God continue to bless your family and all of your sweet children!!!

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  17. Thank you dear ones for sharing your beautiful story. It is with tears in my eyes and heart I read it. May God's richest blessing fall on you as you continue to do His will. In His Love, Judy

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  18. We are trying to choose an agency. Thanks for this post......I thought what you did was courageous- brave - and beautiful.... And then you did something brave again, by writing about it. I know you did this because your are following a perfect and wonderful father/king and He makes us into these brave warriors of His.
    Would you share the agency with me? rhonda.on.the.farm@gmail.com I feel sure the agency we are thinking of choosing is awesome, but I would like to know who yours was if you don't mind sharing to my private email.

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  19. Rhonda, the agency referred to in this post is International Adoption Guides, aka IAG. I do not recommend them to anyone, ever, for any reason. I answered you privately, but I wanted others to have this info as well who may be considering using this agency. For more info, you may google Jim Harding, Carla Giron, Surrogacy Partners, Finding Fernanda, and WPA.

    Choose wisely, then give the rest to God.

    Blessings to all of you in your search for a transparent and ethical adoption process.

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    1. I agree completely. I have 2 boys home through IAG (3.5 years ago)and I DO NOT recommend them to anyone for any reason. Glad to see that the families who have been speaking out for YEARS are starting to be heard. Glad to see more families speaking out.

      Prayers for all the families, investigators and truth speakers to be protected.

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    2. I found this linked to Jim Harding and Carla Giron: http://www.fbi.gov/sandiego/press-releases/2011/baby-selling-ring-busted?utm_campaign=email-Immediate&utm_medium=email&utm_source=san-diego-press-releases&utm_content=18626

      But there names aren't mentioned. Can you shed some more light on this? How did they avoid getting in trouble for this?

      Delete
  20. Thankyou for sharing your wonderful story!!! God certainly was working on your behalf, and made beauty out of ashes!!! :) My heart was so stirred once again, by reading your story, and your willingness to fight for these little helpless babies!!! God bless you so abundantly for openning your heart and home to God's precious little ones!!! :)

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  21. this is the best post I have read about adoption ethics in terms of practical solutions/real life experience . thank you so much for sharing! I hope that this story helps many, many families (and children!) choose an agency wisely and discover their children's true histories.

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  22. Thank you for sharing and blessings to you all. I have to wonder, given the fact that you were able to establish that your children had legitimate orphan status, why exactly IAG wouldn't/couldn't produce clean, complete paperwork? It is that sort of practice that jeopardizes so many innocents' chance to join a loving family and closes adoption programs down. Thank you for fighting for the truth and God for equipping you to do it!

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  23. As the author, I want to make it clear that I do not believe than any adoption program, domestic or international, is without flaw, nor is it capable of being, as we are living under the events of Genesis that introduced sin into this world. Write all the laws you want, but sin is here to stay until the day that the Lord returns to set things straight.

    That being said, becoming anti-adoption after a flawed experience is not helpful to anyone. My husband and I would walk back into another international adoption without fear, if we were called to do so. I would not expect that process to be perfect, either. No one should fear adoption. Adoption is His Heart, and He triumphs.

    I agree with the comment above, and in response I would say that AS Christians, we have a great responsibility to demand truth and create change for the orphans of the future, because we are called to defend the fatherless. We can defend their truths, their pasts, and their future by demanding the HIGHEST standards of agency behavior.

    No shortcuts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would also venture to say that the 'shortcuts' -- the paperwork irregularities that you mention -- sound like the types of things that the USCIS visa investigators found in Viet Nam that prompted the infamous string of Notices of Intent to Deny (NOIDs) to US families in 2007-2008 who were trying to bring their children home. It's been documented that a number of the NOIDs were eventually overturned, but the practices that the whole process spotlighted led to the shutdown of VN adoptions to the US in Sept. 2008. To me, that makes our obligation to accept no less than the 'highest standards of agency behavior' crucial to keeping history from repeating itself in Ethiopia and other places!

      Delete
  24. WOW, amazing I especially love that your story although difficult it is also beautiful.

    That being said, becoming anti-adoption after a flawed experience is not helpful to anyone. My husband and I would walk back into another international adoption without fear, if we were called to do so. I would not expect that process to be perfect, either. No one should fear adoption. Adoption is His Heart, and He triumphs.

    I ESPECIALLY LOVE this statement, I find that some seem to go the opposite direction and it does little to help the kids or to help correctling the process....

    Enjoy!! Your family of 6

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  25. My brave friend Mel and her story:
    http://adoptionthoughtsbymel.blogspot.de/2012/07/her-story.html

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  26. Thank you for taking your story out in the open and making the effort to educate fellow adoptive (and prospective adoptive) parents. We have a somewhat similar story from our first adoption (in Cambodia) and saw many issues in VN, though thankfully that time we were more educated and worked with Holt International who the embassy called the "gold standard" in adoption agencies. (Though I agree with you, so long as we live in a fallen world, perfection will not be attained). For anyone reading who might be considering VN (when it reopens) or Cambodia (one day...) there are many good resources, including a blog I contribute to: http://www.adoptionintegrity.com/ and a resource website I run for Cam-adopt parents: http://www.cambodiaadoptionconnection.com/

    Blessings to you and your family!

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  27. Thank you Missy. THIS is exactly what we need in the adoption community...honesty, bravery and openness. Thank you so very much.

    Lindsay
    Proverbs2412.blogspot.com

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  28. Finally reading this post and I loved it! The truth sets us free. We didn't hire an investigator but we did have a documentary done where someone went and interviewed the people who found our little one. Now we have his story on DVD for when he is old enough to understand it. Praying for you all! God Bless!

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  29. Thank you so much for sharing. Its a message that needs to be heard. Bless you all today and everyday.

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  30. This is a beautiful story of love and truth.

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  31. Thanks for sharing your story.

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  32. Your story is amazing and I think you for sharing it. In some way it brings me peace about my son.

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  33. Another Ethiostork testimony, and an AMAZING story of endurance in Ethiopia:
    http://helpbringmabelhome.blogspot.com/2012/08/bring-mabel-home.html

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  34. Thank you so much for sharing this. We are adoptive parents from Ethiopia and are so thankful for our agencies good reputation and transparency. That being said, we are still considering hiring a PI so that we can have guaranteed contact with our son's birth mother. I greatly, greatly appreciate your post.

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  35. I am finally getting around to reading this post today. What a beautiful story you have shared with so many, most importantly one day with your children. Thank you for addressing the "anti-adoption" mentally directly. Thank you for reminding me the reason behind the struggles - because nothing so closely resembles Christ's death on the cross and the Father's pursuit of me more than earthly adoption. Blessing to you!

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  36. I am finally getting around to reading this post today. What a beautiful story you have shared with so many, most importantly one day with your children. Thank you for addressing the "anti-adoption" mentally directly. Thank you for reminding me the reason behind the struggles - because nothing so closely resembles Christ's death on the cross and the Father's pursuit of me more than earthly adoption. Blessing to you!

    ReplyDelete
  37. I followed my friend Lindsy here, and I'm so glad I did. Your story, and your family, are amazing. Thank you for sharing them.

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  38. I followed my friend Lindsy over, and I'm so glad I did. Your story, and your family, are amazing. Thank you for sharing. xo, Susan

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  39. Amazing, beautiful testimony to God and His goodness and faithfulness.

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  40. You are AWESOME and I would love to meet you and wrap my arms around you. What you did was very brave. We had a bad experience with an agency on our first adoption and that agency is now shut down. I hope this one gets the boot as well. There are so many children who truly need the love of a family and the actions of some corrupt agencies is despicable. Bravo to you and your husband!

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  41. Here's IAG's take on independent 3rd-party "investigators" per an agency wide "Update from Owner Jim Harding" dated May 10, 2012. I have excerpted the section on "investigators". Apparently orphan verification practices provide "too much" truth and can land you at Nairobi:

    "Another point I wanted to cover is about investigators. While I feel they do have a purpose for a select few cases, they seem to be hired more and more for the majority …. and not the minority. Meaning, many families are deciding to hire them for the wrong reasons.

    Hiring them because they think they will help move their case along faster and or to prevent being sent to Nairobi. Hiring them because they want as much information as possible on their child and are not happy with the minimal amount of information agencies are able to provide from what the various social affairs offices provide to us.


    Because they are being hired for the wrong reasons, it is my opinion it is actually hurting the process in Ethiopia and as such I would encourage each of you to not consider this option. It is unnecessary in the vast majority of the cases and in my opinion; it is causing harm to the overall process. How is it causing harm? Simply put, by opening up old wounds. By bringing unnecessary attention to a process that many locals think is the worst thing possible for their children. Opening the wound of a birth parent that made a very difficult decision, only to have to revisit it months, even years later. Bringing attention to the process by asking questions of people that really do not want to be asked questions, people that grow suspicious of why they are being asked these questions. Certainly not in all cases, but I do believe the majority of the time these things happen and they will get worse as adoptive families think of only their own cases and not the entire process that is helping bring hope to thousands of children and families.

    I would add that investigators are not a sure thing to avoid Nairobi. I have seen cases where I feel very strongly that if the investigator had not been hired we would have been fine and never sent to Nairobi in the first place. The investigator provided too much information, leaving the door open to many doubts the Embassy would never have had without the extra reports."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm . . . I wonder why a respected agency like Gladney hires a PI for every case in Ethiopia? Wonder what Mr. Harding would say about that?

      Delete

  42. We were looking at this agency. Is there an email address where I can contact you for more information?

    ReplyDelete
  43. Anonymous,

    My email is listed publicly on my profile for anyone who needs it. :) Just click my name next to my pic and you can link right to my inbox.

    Blessings,

    Missy

    ReplyDelete
  44. Beautiful post! We brought home our son from Ethiopia last year and like you, we were clueless about all of the ethical issues in adoption. We didn't know anyone personally who had adopted internationally, so we had no idea we were supposed to research our agency. We didn't even know you could work with an agency out of state! We chose the one that was nearby (Dillon/Buckner), and thankfully they turned out to be wonderful, ethical, and highly respected by the Ethiopian government. Huge relief! I'm sorry if you've had "you should have known" comments. I wouldn't have known either. The whole adoption process was an eye-opener for me, and we had a fairly drama-free experience. Congratulations on your Ethiopian beauties!

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  45. What beautiful, God breathed words you have shared on this page! I adopted my daughter domestically (she's part African American) but was curious about the process for Ethiopia since I have friends in the process now. If EVERY parent who adopts insists on the same level of transparency you have, what a wonderful gift that will be to the children! You love your children with such selflessness and I found your post just overwhelming and it brought me to tears. What a beautiful gift you will have for them when they are ready to explore their history! May the Lord continue to bless your family.

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  46. Thank you for sharing your amazing story. We brought home our now 3 year old daughter 6 months ago. I don't know why God kept all of this kind of information hidden from me until now, and I know He is sovereign and our daughter is meant to be with us, but over this past month my eyes have been opened to the mess that covers much of the ethiopian adoption process. I am bewildered and not sure where He is leading concerning how this stirs in my heart, but stories like yours need to be shared. God bless your family ;)

    ReplyDelete
  47. As the author of this post, I want to add that my children were from the Biftu Orphanage network, specifically Haromaya, in Ethiopia, and that there have been many stories of questionable origins surfacing out of that particular institution; many from families I know personally.

    The Haromaya location is responsible for around 12% of all abandoned children placed for adoption to the United States. Given that children going to the U.S. come from 40+ orphanages in Ethiopia, that proportion is a bit concerning.

    Please feel free to contact me directly via my blogger profile if you have questions.

    Here is a brave story of a woman who left her money on the table at Adoption Avenues in the name of ethics. She was made to pay referral fees up front for two referrals, and when she learned about some of the recent stories coming out of Biftu, she left the agency. She had not yet received ANY referral, yet AA kept her TWO referral fees and refuses to refund. Families are reporting that AA has a clause in the contract that says that independent orphan investigations are prohibited:

    http://pehladoption.blogspot.com/2013/04/why-we-really-left-our-agency-part-2.html

    ReplyDelete
  48. here via a link in the comments on Jen Hatmaker's blog...what a powerful story. thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Another story you may want to follow:

    http://at-the-watershed-blog.blogspot.com/p/why-we.html

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  50. Another IAG mom speaks out about her interaction with Jim Harding and the agency!

    This is one of my dearest friends whose investigation revealed that her daughter had been found side-by-side on the same night with another baby of the same age BY THE ORPHANAGE EMPLOYEE....and yet those babies were referred to two separate families with no testing done to check if they were siblings or twins (and none of these details mentioned to the families). We discovered later that "double abandonments" are very common with this orphanage, but not any others in Ethiopia. The statistics are ALARMING to say the least.

    The families uncovered this story by the investigator hired by the FAMILIES at the END of the process, at which point the US Embassy in Ethiopia forwarded the case to Nairobi, stating that they did not find this case to be approvable and stated their serious concerns:

    http://ourdozenbeautifulfeet.blogspot.in/2011/04/how-we-chose-our-agency.html

    A reminder...this was Jim Harding's response posted to the ENTIRE client list via the Yahoo loop after this family and many others hired investigators that month.

    UPDATE FROM JIM HARDING, May 10, 2012:

    "Another point I wanted to cover is about investigators. While I feel they do have a purpose for a select few cases, they seem to be hired more and more for the majority …. and not the minority. Meaning, many families are deciding to hire them for the wrong reasons.

    Hiring them because they think they will help move their case along faster and or to prevent being sent to Nairobi. Hiring them because they want as much information as possible on their child and are not happy with the minimal amount of information agencies are able to provide from what the various social affairs offices provide to us.


    Because they are being hired for the wrong reasons, it is my opinion it is actually hurting the process in Ethiopia and as such I would encourage each of you to not consider this option. It is unnecessary in the vast majority of the cases and in my opinion; it is causing harm to the overall process. How is it causing harm? Simply put, by opening up old wounds. By bringing unnecessary attention to a process that many locals think is the worst thing possible for their children. Opening the wound of a birth parent that made a very difficult decision, only to have to revisit it months, even years later. Bringing attention to the process by asking questions of people that really do not want to be asked questions, people that grow suspicious of why they are being asked these questions. Certainly not in all cases, but I do believe the majority of the time these things happen and they will get worse as adoptive families think of only their own cases and not the entire process that is helping bring hope to thousands of children and families.

    I would add that investigators are not a sure thing to avoid Nairobi. I have seen cases where I feel very strongly that if the investigator had not been hired we would have been fine and never sent to Nairobi in the first place. The investigator provided too much information, leaving the door open to many doubts the Embassy would never have had without the extra reports."

    ReplyDelete
  51. Jim Harding, director of IAG, also operates Surrogacy Partners. It's a Guatemalan surrogacy company for American couples. Many of the IAG staff double as staff for Surrogacy Partners. Here are his thoughts on the downside of international adoption, which was posted on his SP website for years until just recently. THIS is what he really thinks of adoption:

    "Many couples and single parents first thoughts are towards adoption.

    Thinking . . . Why bring another child into the world when there are so many in need of a family?

    While that was once the case, there is no longer the great need there once was and it is no longer an easy road. At the height of international adoptions in 2004, 22,884 children came to the US via international adoption from one of approximately 20 countries. By 2008 that number had dropped to 17,438 and is expected to decline by 50% more in the next 2-3 years. Why? The simple fact is many countries are doing a much better job of caring for their orphan children, by increasing domestic programs, providing financial support to families so they are able to keep their child, allowing birth mothers to visit and care for their child in the orphanage and take them home when they are able. The other and more concerning reason is that countries see adoption of their children as a national shame. They see their future presidents and senators leaving the country and have put up as many roadblocks as possible to prevent adoption from happening. It will only get worse, it will never get better.

    International adoption is not only expensive it involves long stays in country as well. International adoption in Kazakhstan and Russia these days will exceed $50,000 in overall cost, involve a small mountain of paperwork taking months to compile, and require living in the country for a minimum of six weeks, even longer. While many can afford the overall cost, few can leave their jobs for that long of a time period. For single parents the options in international adoption are almost gone and there are no options at all for gay couples.

    Domestic adoption options are not much better these days as fewer and fewer birth moms are giving up their child and worse, the majority of them are “open adoptions” Meaning the birth mother will always be a part of your child’s life . . . like it or not. That is if you are lucky enough to be chosen by a birth mom looking for a family for her child. For single parents, domestic adoption is difficult at best and many couples wait two, three even four years only to be told, sorry we just can’t find a birth mom that will choose you.

    This leaves many fearing they will never be a parent; they will never fulfill their life’s dream to raise a child. They explore various web sites, they talk with people, they do their research, growing more frustrated by the day when they cannot locate a program that is right for them.

    What is the answer? Where can a childless couple or single person turn? Surrogacy."

    - Jim Harding, http://www.surrogacypartners.com/news.html (link no longer there, but cache is available upon search)

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    Replies
    1. Let's recap the "downside" of international adoption from the POV of an international adoption agency director:

      - there is no longer the great need there once was and it is no longer an easy road

      - many countries are doing a much better job of caring for their orphan children, by increasing domestic programs, providing financial support to families so they are able to keep their child, allowing birth mothers to visit and care for their child in the orphanage and take them home when they are able

      - countries see adoption of their children as a national shame

      - International adoption is not only expensive it involves long stays in country as well

      - there are no options at all for gay couples

      - the majority of them are “open adoptions” Meaning the birth mother will always be a part of your child’s life . . . like it or not.

      - domestic adoption is difficult at best and many couples wait two, three even four years only to be told, sorry we just can’t find a birth mom that will choose you

      Delete
  52. What an incredible blessing to have read this story. Truly an indescribable gift to travel through this saga with all of it's essential elements. Thank you for inviting us/me into your love story. Just the glimpse you've shared is enough to inspire and bring gratitude to the savior that still moves on the hearts of women and men like yourselves, today. Blessings, sherrie davis

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  53. Oh no I am freaking out a bit now!!! Crying actually. We are under contract with iag, currently wAIting for referral. I did very little research on iag initially, since I know someone who recently adopted through them and had a good experience. Now I'm panicked that we will be lied to when we receive our referrals, but I was told that we have the option to meet any bio family members on our first trip there. We r also waiting for a boy and girl, under 1 at time of referral, and very doubtful thwy will be related. What is the harm of this? Our resoning is we don't think we will be able to afford a second adoption in a few years and we really want the kids to grow up together. We are already about 10000 in the process and I'm so scared now we made the wrong xhoice of agencies, pls help! :/
    B

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  54. FOUR EMPLOYEES OF ADOPTION SERVICES PROVIDER

    CHARGED WITH CONSPIRACY TO DEFRAUD THE UNITED STATES

    IN CONNECTION WITH ETHIOPIA OPERATIONS



    WASHINGTON – Four current and former employees of International Adoption Guides Inc. (IAG), an adoption services provider, have been indicted by a grand jury in South Carolina for allegedly conspiring to defraud the United States in connection with IAG’s adoption services in Ethiopia. IAG is a South Carolina company that identified children in Ethiopia for adoption and arranged for their adoption by U.S.-based parents.



    Acting Assistant Attorney General Mythili Raman of the Justice Department’s Criminal Division, U.S. Attorney William N. Nettles of the District of South Carolina and Assistant Secretary Gregory B. Starr of the Department of State’s Bureau of Diplomatic Security made the announcement.



    “The defendants are accused of obtaining adoption decrees and U.S. visas by submitting fraudulent adoption contracts signed by orphanages that never cared for or housed the children, thus undermining the very laws that are designed to protect the children and families involved,” said Acting Assistant Attorney General Raman. “As today’s indictments show, the Justice Department, alongside its partners both here and abroad, will respond vigorously to these criminal schemes and will act to protect the many families and children who rely on the integrity of the adoption process.”

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  55. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  56. Glad you update this Missy. It is important for others to read this.

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  57. Thank you, Missy. You speak for so many of us who have endured this suffering at the hands of IAG, COA, and others. And as you and I both know, this stuff is not limited to IAG. IAG was just one of the worst offenders.

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  58. Thank you, Missy for the update.....you are a wonderful writer....it helps because you speak straight from the heart and one who loves our Lord Jesus Christ. Love and prayers, Pat Waggoner

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Thank you for your words and support.